new things...old things...just things...

ok this blog is going to be a combo of things going on in my head...all of you know i have horrible add and can't stay on one topic ever to save my life so...bear with me...these are the things that i am experiencing in life...some are fun...some exciting..some boring...and some just a lil scary. so, to help me process all of this...i blog...
1-so i guess this is fun and exciting...i ate real sushi tonight. not the kind with just veggies or the kind with cooked crab but real raw sushi! hahaha who knew that could be so much fun! and you know what? i am wanting more! not because i am hungry but because it was soooo good! and, thanks to my roomie, i tried a bit of sushimi...for those of you not educated in sushi lingo that is raw meat...raw tuna was what i ate to be exact! gag if you want, but it is really a refreshing taste and consistency to your mouth! my tastebuds might have had a party! hahaha
2-i realized that i really am more self conscious than i let on...so this ia a scary though...why? because i am about to expose some real raw emotion here...so prepare yourself. so, i have gained weight in the past few years...it has been a struggle in my life and something i deal with every day. i hate it, and i feel like i am fighting a losing battle. i am not one to make excuses for myself so me gaining weight has no excuse...in my mind, it is a lack of willpower when really there is more to the story. basically, i have polycystic ovarian syndrome...it makes it very easy for my body to gain weight and very hard to lose it. but i will not allow this to be my excuse. so, tonight i realized just how self conscious i am...i feel just so ugh and desire to lose weight...i want to be pretty...i want to be healthy...i want to be carefree and not care about what others think...so today i commit to being healthy...to loving myself...and accepting myself...
3-on a lighter note...i love shoes however i cannot afford to support my love...but tonight i got to just tease myself. you see this love affair goes waaaay back...ask my mom. she will tell you...at 2, i went to the shoe store and tried on every shoe in my size...yes...i love shoes...i can honestly say that other than my parents and brother they were my first love! hahaha so anyway, my roomie is getting ready to go to philly to see her parents and i got to help her find shoes! you guys just don't know how much joy this brought me. see, i would buy every shoe in every color and just organize them in my closet...even if i never wore them, i would want them! thank God i realize i do not need nor can i afford this habit! so, i teased my inner love for shoes...i enjoyed myself and thought...oh one day when i am rich...
4-i am loving this blog thing and i am loving even more getting to catch up with others lives on this blog thing...but really, i am finding out that i have missed out on a lot from friends...its very sad. but, hopefully with time, we will all be re-acquainted and back on track...
5-ok and the last thought i have on my life right now is...i wonder how long it is going to take for me to break the cat of removing her poop from the litter box and spreading it on the floor...i have committed to being diligent with my discipline...picking her up, putting her face to it and giving her a light spanking and saying "NO, Sadie! Poop goes in litterboxes!" Then i hold her while i put the poop back in the litterbox and say..."Poop in litterbox. No more poop on floor!" Who knows if she understands me but what the heck...i am up to try anything...and for those of you who are going to say "keep her litterbox clean," "spend more time with her." We do both of those things and she still does it...she is just being a diva and it is time to put an end to it...

So...yeah that is where i am...what i am dealing with daily...i am excited about all the fun things in my life...scared about the life lessons i am learning but knowing ultimately that God is working hard on my life...working hard on my heart...and will ultimately show Himself to me daily...that with Him there should be and is no fear and with Him all things are possible...so that is my encouragement to get through the things that are hard for my heart to deal with...if you have time in your prayers, you can pray for me to daily deal with my weight and begin to love myself and who i am, for sadie to quit pooping the floor...yeah that's all i can think of...
so...stay tuned for more insightfulness...i know you are on the edge of your seats...hahaha
love you all...